makes me whole...(a song dedicated to my girlfriend)

i would like to dedicate this song to my girlfriend for our 10 months together...

for my girlfriend...
whatever the future holds for us, i know we'll always be together...for better or for worse
i love you so much...and you know the rest

Makes Me Whole by Amel Larrieux

Darling I want you to listen
I stayed up all night, so I can get this thing right
And I don't think there's anything missing
Cause a person like you, made it easy to do
I've waited for so long, to sing to you this song

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

I think the angels are your brothers, yeah
They told you about me, said you're just what she needs
And I find myself thanking your mother
For giving birth to a saint
My spirit flies when I say your name
If there's one thing that's true
It's that I was born to love you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

You make my dreams
Come true over and, over again
And I honestly truly believe
You and me are written in the stars
I live my whole life through
To giving thanks to you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

:)

just a word of warning

i know blogs are supposed to be a means of expressing one's thoughts...

but don't cross the line...

i post this to you, and you know who you are...

dont assume or even say things you are never sure of... if you think you're right, think again, you're wrong...how do i know? ask the other person...one of which you spoke of....clear your clouded and fantasizing head...

choose: either you retract all the lies that you posted, or let yourself be humiliated.

its my business...and you know why.

peace therapy stuffs

Be at peace with yourself. Even as God calls you to growth and progress, God loves you as you are. You have worth beyond measure, for you are a child of God.

Don’t make war with parts of yourself that you can’t change. Accept your shadow side, your brokenness, your weaknesses, as well as your strengths. Inner peace unifies the parts into wholeness.

Ground yourself in values that you’ve chosen with intent and deliberation. Then determine where your own attitudes and actions are at war with those values. Only you can end the conflict.

Recognize if you’ve made resentment, distrust, hostility your armor against a world that has hurt you in the past. Commit yourself to remove this armor, piece by piece.

When there’s someone with whom you have conflicts, begin to make peace with in your imagination. Picture yours elf at peace. Slowly enlarge the image to include the other person. Put that picture in your mind’s pocket and look at it with love now and then.

Work through your anger. Those who hurt you do so out of their own insecurity, ignorance, and weakness; not strength. Be strong and move beyond your anger toward forgiveness.

Accept responsibility for the times when you’ve hurt others because you lacked inner peace. Make amends to them when you can.

Peace sees similarities among people, not threatening differences that form barriers. Identify a difference, a value, an attitude, a choice- that threatens you. Don’t judge that difference, but seek to understand it.

Measure your words of judgment. People seldom benefit from harsh criticism of their character or actions. Choose words of praise and acceptance, words that builds peace.

Be at peace with your circumstances. Allow what you have no power over to just be as it is. Where you do have power and something needs changing, do what you can and then let go. You don’t have to fix everything.

Declare a personal buffer zone. Make one corner of your home a haven, a sanctuary. When you feel your temper fraying and hear your voice rising, take time out there- perhaps with a book, a poster, or an object that whispers peace to your heart.

Treasure the peace of your past. Remember the times and places you have known peace, and return there in reality or in your heart. Bring the feeling, the grace of those moments to today’s challenges.

Let your heart be untroubled. Even though you can’t see the end of a difficult time, soothe your heart with confidence in a Power beyond yourself.

Passive acceptance of injustice is not peace; it is a threat to peace. Recognize the threat and work of justice. But take care to avoid methods that are as unpeaceful and unjust as what you’re trying to eliminate.

Peace is not simply a bouquet you can hand to a friend. You can, however, be a bouquet yourself. And the fragrance may entice others to transplant tiny seedlings of peace in their own hearts.

You don’t have to make peace yourself, but simply allow the peace of God- already present- to flow through you to others. If you block its gentle current, you force it to chart a course around you. Be a channel of peace.

Choose your own peace theme- a favorite song or hymn or poem or prayer. Hum, sing, or say it when you feel under siege.

missing my girlfriend, the final exams, and the past week's events...

Being away from your loved ones is a hard thing. I believe that. A short experience of that came when I had my retreat last Wednesday. Since its three days, I would not be able to communicate to anyone back at home for three days.

Yes, indeed, I missed my family. That’s given. But that one who I really missed was my girlfriend. I remember that I called her before our retreat started and said that I would not be able to communicate with her for the rest of the retreat. I was really relieved when I heard her say that she understands. She told me that she’ll be praying for me, and told me to enjoy the retreat.

Honestly, I was thinking about her the whole retreat. Since the retreat module was fitted to our batch, some of its contents centered on relationships, especially on the boyfriend-girlfriend relationships. With those, I began to think of the many experiences that I had with her; from the moment I started to court her, until now. I asked myself a lot of questions, and even subjected myself to criticism on how I handled my relationship with her. I kept these questions and asked it to her when I came back. Relief and intense happiness was the feeling that I felt when she assured me that though things do not go our way, I still got her.

I have to admit, since this is my first relationship, it was hard at first, due to some problems that we have to encounter. But the burden is not only carried by one; but by both of us. It makes things lighter for us. We quarrel at times; but we try to settle everything immediately. We are trying to help each other out. Corny as it may seem, I do not let the day pass until I let her know and feel that I love her so much.

We will be celebrating our 5^th month together sometime soon. It’s still fresh and new, I know. But strong and long-lasting relationships start from scratch, right? We’re trying to make our relationship work; and we can see that it is working.

We may not have the perfect relationship, but we believe that it’s the right one.

For my girlfriend: I love you so much, and I will always be, not only here, but with you.

----

This week will be Final Examinations Week for most of us. For me and my girlfriend, we have this as our “hell week”. Weeks before, even until the present, we are trying to start studying and we’re actually progressing (haha!)

I’ll be having my exams only from Tuesday to Thursday, since tomorrow’s our review day and Friday’s a holiday. Good thing that I don’t have exams scheduled on Friday.

Right now, I need to focus. Study. Understand. And I guess this also goes to everyone who will be having their exams this week.

May I quote: “We study not for the grades, but for life”. Take your studies seriously, or the future won’t be serious with you.

---

These past few days, I had been quite busy and I can just imagine how the last week of the semester would turn out to be. Finals week is coming, and its coming real fast. But a little time given to self erases that tendency to freak out and lose control, right? And that is just what I am doing right now.

For the past weeks after two of my professors arrived, we have been constantly jamming our heads with the lessons needed to be finished by final examinations. I just had my finals in Philosophical Latin last Tuesday, and I have a 1.75 already as my final grade. Since I don’t have much time at home to do my stuffs, I usually do them at school.

Then came Wednesday. Though my batch is going to a retreat in the afternoon, we still had to attend class. So, I managed to come to 4 hours of class, from 8:30-12:30 in the morning, 2 hours for Theodicy and the rest of the two for Modern Philosophy; though somehow at the back of my head, I feel like I already want to go away and take some time off from stuffs.

We left the school at around 2:30 in the afternoon, bound for Tagaytay (Don Bosco Batulao). However, after all were inside the bus, Fr. Noel announced to us that instead of Tagaytay, we would go to Lucban at the Kamay ni Hesus Pilgrimage Site for our retreat. It was a breather for most of us, since it’s a new place for us (we had our batch retreat in Batulao last year). Details of the retreat would come later; but for now, all I can say is that I’m an emotional person, and I kept on crying most of the time in our retreat.

Friday came, and the retreat that was supposed to have ended at around 1, ended at some minutes after 3 in the afternoon. We left Lucban at around 4 and arrived back at school nearing 7 in the evening, thanks (sarcastically) to the slow movement of traffic along the way. Not even 10 minutes at school, I decided to go home, hoping I would catch up with my girlfriend whose having a class until 8:30 in the evening (supposedly). But she texted me and said that they’ll end their class an hour earlier. I said, Damn! I won’t be in time. I just asked her what she wants me to bring to her, and at some minutes before 9, after being soaked in the rain and held up in slow traffic again, I arrived at their house. An hour later, tired and sleepy, I went home.

OK…We believe it’s time

For these past months, I was trying to discern whether or not to do something that I thought could somehow be left undone. However, I was wrong. It is really right to say that the truth will reveal itself in time. Still, it is right to say that the truth will set us free.

Looking into the past, why was I thinking like that? Why am I still trying to think about saying the truth? Can you blame me for not trusting the people I used to trust? Can you blame me for not saying the truth?

But, looking into myself, what was it that I was thinking about? What did I fear? Who? Was I anxious or depressed at the fact that I feared rejection and criticism? I was weighing the scales…and at some point in time, I had the wrong measurement.

But now, before the truth is tainted with lies, here it goes…

I am in love, and the person that I am in love with is now with me. In short, she’s my girlfriend now. Who, you say? Would there be anyone else?

At this point, let me explain myself, though I need not to…

The reason why I decided to forego the immediacy of telling people of this truth is not only for me; but also for her. We were both going through a lot of things lately, and we are trying to avoid anything that would make matters worse. I admit, being here was not easy, but even if it’s hard, it was all worth it. If people would judge us on this, let it be. But I believe that for the both of us, as well as for the rest of the minority who understands the whole picture…I did the right thing.

If the truth, whether the whole or in part, needs to be known, let us know…we’ll fill you in. Nobody will ever give you what you ask in this…no one…except us.

What the?!

Just last Tuesday, my father texted me (since I’m in Canlubang) about them receiving a mail from the school. They received my grades from last semester. I just don’t know how or why they always get my grades before me, but no matter…I’m just happy that they’re getting to see what I’m trying to do to make myself better…in school.

I just noticed…from my former school…I never received flat 1’s for a grade…I can remember that I had 1.25 for P.E. (Karatedo) in my first year 2^nd semester and second year 2^nd semester. But here, in Don Bosco, I never thought I’ll even have one of that. First semester last year, I got 1, and for the following semester, I had 2.

Anyway, here’s what my parents received. I’m satisfied with this…and still, I’ll have to make myself better, right?

DON BOSCO COLLEGE

Final Grades: 2^nd Term, 2006-2007

STUDENT ID: 0607001

NAME: Afable, Kristoffer B.

COURSE: AB-Philo

YEAR: 4th Year

Subject Code	Subject Title	Units	Grade
Fil 002	Panitikang Filipino	3	1.75
HPL 102	Scholasticism of St. Thomas Aquinas ( History of Medieval Philosophy)	3	1.00
HPL 109	History of Contemporary Philosophy	3	1.00
LTN 122	Church Latin II	2	2.00
Phl 105	Philosophy of Science and Technology (Cosmology)	3	1.50
Phl 133	Seminar: Political Philosophy	3	1.50
RLT 008	Marriage and Family Life	3	1.75
		Average (GPA)	1.48

Ignorance and Innocence

There is a fine line, I believe, with these two words; which is somehow mistaken to be one as the other and vice versa. As I see it, the difference lies in the level of knowledge of something; that is, the degree of knowledge of a certain object subjected to the consciousness. Ignorance, I believe, is partial knowledge of something (but doesn’t deny the fact that one knows something about that something, but not of it as a whole). On the other hand, ignorance is total deficiency of knowledge about a certain object.

To further illustrate the difference: an educated man from the province visited the city. While waiting for someone who would show him around, he decided to buy a drink from a ‘palamig’ stand across the street. Knowing that he is already so thirsty and tired, he immediately crossed the street but was halted by a policeman. The ‘promdi’ (man from the province) asked for his violation, and the policeman bluntly answered him with ‘jaywalking’. Is this case a case of ignorance or innocence?

We cannot deny the fact that the term innocence is best described in the likes of infants and kids, or at some cases, with those who are deprived of sanity. But would that deprive a sane man of innocence as well? If so, then, those who are proclaimed ‘innocent’ at courts are thus otherwise? Furthermore, then, that means every man who is in good mentality are ‘at fault’ all the time?

What’s my point in this blog, then? Actually, this is just a reflection I had when I had the chance to know more about the metropolis. I can say that I am ignorant…yes, ignorant of the places where I have been into these past few days. I partially know these places; therefore I cannot say that I am innocent about these places where I have been into.

But hey! It’s a great thing I finally knew about those stuff!